Meet Dave Kaplan

From time to time we like to give you the opportunity to get to know the people here at Logos. Today we want to introduce you to Dave Kaplan. Dave has been with Logos since December of 1993, just four months short of veteran Rick Brannan, who recently celebrated 14 years at Logos. The way Logos takes care of its employees and the great people and work environment are two things that make Dave love working at Logos.
Dave spends most of his time on the phone talking with our wonderful customers. Interacting with so many different people makes his job a joy, but he finds it especially rewarding knowing that he is helping to provide thousands of people with a phenomenal tool that can assist them in their walk with God.
In his spare time, Dave enjoys playing chess, which he describes as “the most personal game ever invented,” and building Popsicle stick houses and burning them down with his son, Gregory (so he can learn how quickly a fire can consume a house). He also loves peppers and usually has a couple in his pocket.
Dave is perhaps best known by those in the sales department for his unique sayings, affectionately called “Kaplanisms.” Dave has a gift—a lot like Yogi Berra did—of unintentionally modifying well-known expressions, combining them together, or just making up his own!
Here’s an example. One morning Dave came into the office apparently wearing too much cologne, and the other guys were giving him a hard time. Dave responded, “I only put a dab on both of my necks.”
The guys in the sales department have been compiling a list of sayings over the last year or so. We were originally going to share them anonymously, but the guys were able to convince Dave that he might get some good publicity and increase his sales!
So without further ado, here are Dave’s “Kaplanisms”:

  • Talking with a customer whom he couldn’t understand at all: “I’m as deaf as a bat!”
  • “I cannot count the countless evenings I spent talking . . . .”
  • Trying to convince a customer: “Sir, I can assure you that I seriously doubt I can’t make you happy.”
  • “That’s like shootin’ an arrow through a bale of hay and not hittin’ any straw!”
  • Explaining to customers to wait until they get the software before worrying about how to install it: “You’re trying to land an airplane, and we haven’t even gotten into the cockpit yet.”
  • Explaining to customers to close down the software before installing an update: “It’s like changing the spark plugs while the motor is runnin’.”
  • ” . . . as happy as a tornado in a cornfield.”
  • “I walked outside this morning and my woods smelled so woodsy!”
  • “If someone buys you a car, you don’t really own it.”
  • “For once I’m finishing my day with my i’s crossed and my t’s . . . how does that saying go again?”
  • “Let’s get down to logic here.”
  • “I can guarantee you we don’t print like the other guy’s software!”
  • “That’s on Pre-Publication—that’s short for Pre-Pub.”
  • “Yeah, it’s all over. Now I can stop being less paranoid.”
  • “I heard very clearly, in my peripheral vision, someone say . . . .”
  • “Are you ready for this? Let me put it this way . . . . I will say this . . . .”
  • “That’s as messed up as a soup sandwich.”
  • Telling people about his flight to Belgium: “It was a 9 hour drive flying!”

During my interview with Dave, I had the privilege of experiencing a new “Kaplanism” firsthand. Dave explained why he never oversells or undersells, but always directs people to the product that is best suited for them: “I have to sleep with myself at night” (an obvious conflation of “I have to live with myself” and “I have to sleep at night”).
If you know Dave or have dealt with him on the phone, leave him a message in the comments!
If you’d like to work with one of Logos’ best sales employees, you can reach Dave directly at (360) 685-2304.


  1. I bought my “Silver” from Dave about three months ago. Now I can put a face with the voice and name. Thanks Dave!
    PS: I couldn’t never be more thankful! (Does that qualify as a “Kaplanism?!”)

  2. Steve Maling says

    Wonderful sayings!:)
    I’m sure glad to have met (virtually) one of the virtuosos in sales. Everyone with whom I’ve talked over the last 5 years+ has been just great!
    Many thanks.

  3. Once you know Dave all of these saying become all the more humorous.

  4. I have purchased books from Dave since I started with Logos back in the 1.6 days. He has also been a joy to call and prefer a human voice over the computer ordering any day! Keep up the good work Dave.

  5. I had the pleasure of meeting DC on the phone a year ago when I bought my SS Logos software.
    He did as you described, he went the extra mile to make sure that I had the right package.
    As the “voice of Logos” for me at that time…he did a great job!
    thanks Dave,

  6. Classic! This is great. I love the quotes.

  7. Pastor Dave says

    When you call in and the voice says “this is Dave Kaplan” you have to smile and know everything is going to go exactly right.
    Thanks for being there for the right products and the right answers Dave.

  8. Woo-hoo! Hilarious! Dave, I laughed hysterically as I read your post. You get my vote for Logos mascot.

  9. Andy Anderson says

    He is Mr. Positive and Mr. Energy! A true joy to be around. It is great to have him on our team. Here is some wisdom of the day for you . . . “When you come to a fork in the road, take it”
    Thanks Dave!

  10. Dave, in the six years that I worked with you at Logos—six great years—the the funniest thing I can remember you saying is, “I am so fat that I have smaller fat men orbiting around me.” Logos is a great place to work and I would still be there if you hadn’t moved from Oak Harbor to Bellingham. Say hello to everyone for me. Ken

  11. Well written!
    Dave is my uncle in love!
    And boy to we love this BUBBA BEAR!!!

  12. Nicole Dossey says

    This post just made me smile and laugh. During the 4+ years I worked for Logos, Dave was one of those people I just loved to see each morning. He always had something kind and funny to say. He goes above and beyond for his customers AND for his friends.

  13. Charles Sebree says

    I’ve never had a salesman work for the customer like Dave has for me. Logos, he is worth what you pay him and then some. I’m a very happy customer thanks to Dave.

  14. Richard Forinash says

    It was a pleasure meeting you & may your 2008 be blessed!
    Richard Forinash
    Los Angeles, CA.

  15. Kevin Taylor says

    David is the best… I look forward to future purchases with him for both the product, and how many Kaplanisms I might be treated with during the call. Great service and knowledge level. He is an awesome asset to Logos. I bought a Silver, sent my dad to him to get a Silver and will return again.

  16. Arthur Story says

    Dave is probably the best sales person I’ve ever spoken with over the phone. He is gracious and fun and takes the time to necessary to ensure customer satisfaction.
    There is nothing like calling to purchase a great product and rather than experiencing a standard order placing call you get to know and laugh with a great guy like Dave.
    Dave, I enjoyed reading the bio and having a face to go with the voice. I’m with you on the chess, peppers and creating your own unique phrases (I live there).

  17. I agree with the comments about Dave. I just ordered Logos Scholar’s Gold from Dave, and he is “gold” for Logos. Going beyond the call of duty, he proved a big help to me. He’ll be my man at Logos.

  18. Armando Ballart says

    Dave has certainly opened my eyes to Logos! Within one day of speaking to him I realized what I was missing out on. I went Silver through Dave and I look forward to future purchases through him. Be blessed in all your endeavors my friend.

  19. Raymond Mensah says

    Hi! Dave,
    I am the one you are helping out fix my problem of activating through the net from far away in Ghana. Larry has told me about how you have been very instrumental in making sure this problem is fixed without any charge. I want to let you know I am grateful and appreciate your kindness. Keep up with the good work you are doing and remain blessed.

  20. Dave,
    My good man. Yes it looks like Pat and I are moving to B-ham.
    I searched my inventory of people I know in hamland and you were first on my list, ok you and Dan were first. Let’s talk,Gary

  21. Thanks for your customer focus and helping me with my frustration. Great job! Great quotes as well

  22. Dave has served me for about fourteen years. I have always found him courteous and helpful. I am fortunate to have someone like him to assist me whenever I need help. Thanks for being such a wonderful friend.

  23. Steve Franzke says

    Thanks Dave. The Lloyd-Jones e-books on Ephesians are exactly what we needed. I received the CD the day after I ordered it! Thanks again!

  24. Jonathan Burke says

    Dave has been my sales guy for a year and a half. In that time he has demonstrated himself to be knowledgeable, courteous, informed, customer-oriented, and incredibly helpful. I have lost count of the number of times I have benefited from his advice and help. He has certainly saved me a couple of thousand dollars over the last year, without doubt. It’s so rare to find sales staff with this kind of dedication.

  25. Paul Freedland says

    I met Dave telephonically just today. I did order some stuff and he did a good job. BUT the conversation was the best bit. Trans-Atlantic chit chat and not too many crossed wires (‘divided by a common language’ etc).
    Anyway, thanks Dave and thanks Logos for a brilliant tool. Iphone and PC user and a complete addict.
    Milton Keynes, England

  26. Great time talkin with Dave! Sweet and funny guy.
    God Bless,
    Barbara Gonzalez

  27. Mikko Miettinen says

    Unforgettable customer service!

    We just exchanged few lines via email, and this man already made me laugh.

    God bless you Dave!

  28. Marcus Denny says

    I just experienced Kaplanism #3 “Trying to convince a customer: “Sir, I can assure you that I seriously doubt I can’t make you happy.”

    thank you Dave for not being a salesman, but a servant. I’m so thankful for how the Lord has answered my needs through you. thank you brother.

    Marcus Denny

  29. Peter O'Handley says

    Hello David,

    What an absolute joy talking with you today. You are transparent and very easy going :) Thank-you for your kind words and for looking after my concern. I am new to Logos but I must say the caliber of the staff is way beyond what I have experienced else!!! David thanks for being so candid and open – I think your were terrific and utmost professional with me. Also if I may I would also like to mention one of your fellow employees “Sean” what a great fellow :)

    I can see why you receive the feed back you do you ARE a very friendly and kind professional. I love your Kaplanisms!!!

    All the best David and may God bless you in a special way today!!

    Forever in Christ Jesus,